All quiet on this western front...well, sort of. June 19

Hello all.

It’s been two weeks since my last chemo and I am feeling remiss for not having sent an email out sooner. The truth is that things have been a bit harder, a bit more sluggish, a bit darker, since the third round—and I think I've been hesitant to communicate that. I drafted an email a few weeks ago, but deemed it too dark and didn't send it. From a clinical perspective, both round three and four went very well. No big allergic reactions. No surprises. No drama. And I'm done...so it should be all balloons and fireworks, right?

Well, as I’m learning, things are rarely as you anticipate. The trip to the Chemo Spa was over quickly, but the side effects insist on sticking around for a while. For me, the dramatic effects subsided after a few days, but, since then, there has been a second wave of obnoxious, little side effects. While on their own each of these little side effects is nothing more than a nuisance, they collectively have a way of wearing you down—a way of making you feel a little grumpy, more than a little tired, and little like you lost your smile somewhere along the way. I don’t mean to sound overly dramatic, it’s just the best description I can offer.

And while I think that I should get to mindlessly bask in the joy of summer and in the satisfaction of being done at the Chemo Spa, my doctor thinks I should be making some decisions about the anti-hormone cocktail that I will be embarking on in a few weeks. I’ll spare you the details, but will simply say that the over-riding philosophy is that if you can stop the estrogen, you can stop the cancer. So, at what lengths do you go to stop the estrogen??? One drug? Two drugs? Three drugs? Injections? Surgery?

To that, I simply want to say, “arrrrrrrgh!”

But I won’t say that. No, instead I will think of the many women that I have met recently. The women who would gladly trade their Stage 4 metastatic cancer for my pansy-ass Stage 1 cancer. For them, I will quit complaining and I will do my research and make my decisions. I will gear up for the next stage in my Tour de Cancer. I will remind myself to be appreciative every day.

Yup, that’s what I’ll do.

Xoxo,
Hol